the shrew (sour_grrrl) wrote in ice_in_my_soul,
the shrew

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i just got my reapproval for my death-of-a-parent ssi. the reason i'm getting this past my 18th birthday is because i have been diagnosed with ptsd. he died in my and my mother's arms.
it's the weirdest feeling in the world, cos everytime i hear i'm getting money because my dad died it makes me happy at first, but after about 10 minutes of jumping up and down i get this incredibly weird feeling. i'm getting this money beause i don't have a father to be out working for it to support me. i should be happy i'm getting this again right?
now that i'm done been extatic and jumping up and down i'm not sure what to feel. i'm just ...numb...again. dammit i can't even cry. i think i'm starting to babble i'm going to stop typing..i just wish i could cry right now..*sigh*
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